‘They Know What to Do, So Why Don’t They Do It?’ Understanding Executive Function Struggles in School-Aged Children

Understanding Executive Function Struggles in School-Aged Children If you’re parenting a bright, thoughtful child who still forgets their PE kit every week, leaves homework unfinished, or can’t seem to get started on tasks even when they want to - you’re not alone. These aren’t signs of laziness or defiance. They’re often signs of something called executive function difficulty - and it’s far more common than many people realise. What is executive function?

Executive function is a set of mental skills that help us manage life’s daily demands. It allows children to start tasks, stay focused, manage time, follow instructions, and cope when things change. For children whose executive function isn’t developing in line with expectations - whether due to ADHD, autism, dyslexia, or just natural neurodivergent wiring - school can quickly become a minefield of challenges. They may know exactly what they’re supposed to do, but struggle to actually do it. And that gap between intention and action can be incredibly frustrating for everyone involved.

From the outside, it might look like your child isn’t listening or isn’t trying. But underneath, there’s often a child who is trying really hard - and doesn’t understand why they can’t just “get on with it” like everyone else. That sense of helplessness can spill out as anxiety, anger, meltdowns or even learned helplessness. For some children, school is a place where they are constantly being corrected, rushed, or compared to peers who seem to find things easy. The result? A dip in self-esteem, a reluctance to try, and increasing exhaustion by the end of the day.

You may notice your child procrastinates on tasks that aren’t even difficult. Starting homework might take hours, even though the actual work takes ten minutes. They might get stuck on decisions, forget what they’re supposed to be doing next, or become overwhelmed by anything with multiple steps. You might find yourself nagging, pleading, or offering rewards - and still nothing seems to help. That’s because executive function difficulties don’t respond well to pressure. In fact, anxiety often makes things worse.

At home, these challenges can be exhausting. You might feel like you're constantly having to micromanage everything: reminding them to pack their bag, put on their shoes, or hand in their homework. It’s natural to feel frustrated or wonder if your child is being difficult. But it can be helpful to reframe this: what if your child would do these things if they could? How to support executive function

Supporting executive function challenges often starts with making things visible and manageable. By using visual prompts this can support the executive function process, each time your child is unsure what to do next they can look to the visuals to get them back on track.  This is also a great strategy for supporting independence – this might sound a bit topsy turvy but equipping your child to problem solve without having to ask an adult builds a fantastic foundation going forward. Children might benefit from gentle routines, checklists they help create, or visual reminders that break big tasks into smaller ones. Allowing more time for transitions, using humour to reduce pressure, and building in frequent breaks can also help.

Samantha Lavender, Grace Neurodiversity & Special Needs Advice Manager says: 

The most important support is to understand that children who feel emotionally safe and understood are more likely to take risks, ask for help, and build resilience. Often, these children don’t meet the threshold for in-school support, and parents are left feeling uncertain about how to advocate for their needs. At Grace Consulting, we help families make sense of what their child is experiencing, and we offer expert guidance on the practical next steps - whether that’s speaking with the school, exploring assessments, or understanding whether an EHCP might be appropriate. Our aim is to make the process feel less overwhelming, so that parents can move forward with clarity and confidence.

So if you find yourself thinking, 'They know what to do, so why don’t they just do it?' - know that you’re not failing, and neither is your child. They may just need a different kind of support, one that sees the effort behind the struggle and meets it with understanding. Need advice tailored to your child’s needs? Grace Consulting offers independent guidance to help families navigate school concerns, assessments, and the support available. Get in touch to find out how we can help.

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Grace Consulting are the UK’s founding providers of expert independent advice on elderly care advice, special needs advice and neurodiversity advice.

Independence and client wellbeing are at the heart of everything we do. We listen, reassure and advise you on how to move forwards and find the best possible solutions for your unique life challenges.