They’re in school. But you’re not okay. Supporting parents of neurodivergent children.

You’ve spent an hour, maybe two, trying to get your child into school. There have been tears, negotiations, reassurance and possibly several attempts to even get out of the house. Your own nervous system is completely fried, but somehow you’ve done it. They’re in.

Now you need to go to work. You’re late, obviously, and somehow you need to switch from parent dealing with a crisis to normal functioning professional in the time it takes to get from the school gates to your desk.

Or perhaps you work from home. You get back, put the kettle on and think you might actually have five minutes to pull yourself together. Then your phone starts going. Sometimes it’s school asking you to collect them. But more often it’s your child.

I can’t do this.

Come and get me.

Help me.

I’m shaking.

I feel sick.

My tummy hurts.

It’s bad.

I want to die.

Save me.

I love you.

And then you’re supposed to carry on working.

Even on the days when those messages don’t come, you’re half expecting them. You’re checking your phone during meetings, keeping it beside you while you work and wondering what is happening at school when it goes quiet.

That’s the bit people don’t always understand about parenting a child who is struggling with school. Getting them through the door doesn’t mean you drive away, breathe a sigh of relief and crack on with your day.

Your body might have left school, but a good part of your brain is still there. Are they okay? Did they make it to the lesson they were frightened of? Did somebody notice they were struggling? Have they managed break? Are they actually getting the support everyone agreed they could have? Are they masking and desperately holding it together?

Meanwhile, you’re answering emails, talking to clients, joining meetings and trying to behave like a person whose stress levels haven’t been through the roof since breakfast.

And then someone says, “Oh good, they’re in today!”

Or, “Try to be positive. They’ve gone into school today. That’s a really positive step.”

Except it doesn’t feel positive. Nothing at school has changed. The environment they couldn’t cope with yesterday is still there. The noise, the social demands, the lesson they’re terrified of, the support that perhaps wasn’t working yesterday. It’s all still there.

They’ve just managed to get through the door today.

Of course you want your child to go to school. You want them to learn, have friends, enjoy themselves and have all the opportunities that education should bring. But you don’t just want them in school. You want them okay in school.

And there’s a huge difference.

There’s guilt whichever way it goes, too. If they stay at home, you wonder whether you should have tried harder. If you manage to get them in, you can spend the rest of the day wondering whether you pushed too hard.

All of this is happening while you’re also trying to hold down a job.

—

There may be someone in your organisation going through exactly this before they even log on in the morning.

They may arrive late and flustered. They may keep checking their phone in a meeting. They may suddenly need to leave because school has called, or because their child has sent another message saying they can’t cope. They may be exhausted or finding it harder than usual to concentrate.

That doesn’t mean they care any less about their job. They’re trying to be an employee at exactly the same time as their child is asking them to come and rescue them.

And that is an enormous emotional load to carry through a working day.

It’s something worth thinking about when we talk about employee wellbeing and employee benefits.

We tend to think about wellbeing support in terms of the employee themselves: counselling, health insurance, wellbeing apps, gym memberships. But sometimes the thing having the biggest impact on somebody at work is happening to someone they love.

Parents of neurodivergent children can spend hours trying to work out what they should be asking school for, whether the support being offered is right, what their child is entitled to, what an EHCP is, whether they need one, who they need to speak to and what on earth they’re supposed to do next.

A lot of that happens around work. In lunch breaks, between meetings, sitting in the car, late at night or at 6am before another difficult morning begins.

This is where access to specialist neurodiversity support as an employee benefit can genuinely help.

Having someone who understands ADHD, autism, SEND, EBSA and the education system means a parent doesn’t have to work all of this out alone. They have someone to talk things through with, help them understand their options, prepare for conversations with school and work out what might actually help their child.

It won’t magically make a difficult situation disappear. But it can take some of the weight off a parent who is already carrying far too much.

So when organisations think about neurodiversity support for their workforce, we shouldn’t only be thinking about neurodivergent employees themselves.

We should also be thinking about the parents and carers of neurodivergent children, because they bring their whole selves to work, they don’t stop their caring responsibilities once they sit behind their desk.

At Grace Consulting, we support families navigating neurodiversity, EBSA and difficulties with school, and we work with organisations that want to make this specialist support available to their employees.

Because sometimes what’s affecting someone at work started long before they arrived at their desk that morning.

---

Neurodiversity support for your employees

Supporting a neurodivergent child can have a significant impact on working life. Grace Consulting provides employee neurodiversity support for organisations that want to offer practical, specialist help to working parents navigating SEND, school support, EHCPs, ADHD, autism and school attendance difficulties.

Our employee benefit services give parents confidential, one-to-one access to experienced neurodiversity consultants who can help them understand their options, prepare for school meetings and work out what to do next.

For employers and HR teams, it's a practical way to strengthen your employee wellbeing and family support benefits, helping employees manage difficult situations at home while remaining supported at work.

Looking to add neurodiversity and SEND support to your employee benefits package? Talk to Grace Consulting about support for your organisation and employees.